MCCC Sat 1st v Seveno - Away (Saturday 25th August)
Match Drawn


[Match Photos]

A mesmerising game played in brutal temperatures, that ended in a close and hard-fought draw. Ha! Hardly, this game was a glowing indictment of the downsides of playing timed games.

After finally finding the ground MCCC lost the toss and were asked to field by the oppo. On a wicket resembling putty, and an outfield with a greater slant than Lords and peppered with turds, MCCC took to the task with verve, and almost had the perfect start when a sharp chance off their skipper was dropped in the 1st over.

This proved to be costly error as he went on to score a polished 52, demonstrating a Tendulkar-like ability to flick to leg from outside off-stump. Some aggressive bowling from Richard, and nagging line & length from Salsa Steve stemmed the flow of runs, with Stevo bagging the No.2 following a regulation catch by guest Adam.

No.3 gave us no worries, in fact it seemed the tail was in – strange given what was to come. He did not last, and was followed by a rather rotund chap in a Nike hooded top. The hoody then proceeded to demonstrate ASBO-like respect for our bowling, swinging the bat as though he was leading the charge in an inner-city riot. In between this violence were a combination of shots from the MCC (Lords, not Morden) manual, and false strkes that offered MCCC some hope.

We did produce some moments of class in the field, with special mention going to Jason “Tupper” Ware at short cover, for stopping a number of sure boundaries. In spite of this, Seveno were greatly assisted in their batting by some woeful fielding and a rapid decrease in the fielders’ energy, partly attributable to the heat – if anyone can think of a better excuse do let us know!

Set an improbable 237 to win, MCCC’s innings commenced for what transpired to be 35 overs, against their opponent’s 45. A positive result was never on the cards, and the openers set about forming a solid foundation to the innings. Mark “Simpsons” Bartram and Campbell “I’ve got two surnames” Glover proceeded steadily till Campbell was bowled. 34-1. In strode Adam, to return a couple of balls later, given out plumb LBW. Pal (dodgy shoulder, where’s my sympathy?) Chakravorty was next, and he set his Mike Atherton appreciation stall out immediately.

The Bartman was bowled a few overs later trying to outdo ASBO-boy, and Tupper joined Pal at the crease. What began is surely one of the most attritional and frustrating passages of play in the history of cricket, with both batsmen demonstrating excellent defensive technique. A few strong armed lofted drives landed dead, just feet from the boundary, and even the arrival of a deceptively deceptive leggie was not enough to move these two rocks, even with his 24inch turn.

Frustration was primarily felt by the fielders, who suddenly regressed to the school playground. Their inept No.3 bat was particularly vocal, demonstrating intellectual excellence with a few choice comments about Pal’s mother. Through this storm the batsmen kept their heads and saw the game out. Final score 80-3.

Thanks for the net practice Seveno!

Conditions
Weather – hot, dry and oppressive
Pitch – putty, spun loads 2nd innings

Notable batting: Mark "I aint no Stranger" Bartram , Pal "Never gonna give you up" Chakravorty, Jason "Dont touch my Pads" Ware
Notable bowling: Steve, Graham

Match result: Boooooooore Draaaaaaaw (as conceded by both sides)

Muppet moments: MCCC fielding, Cuan "Rooney" Brown, kicking over the stumps in an attempted run-out and still getting the decision!

Champagne moment: 1st pint in the Leather Bottle

Oppo: A really good bunch of lads.


MCCC Batting

Mark bld 27
Campbell bld 6
Adam lbw 0
Pal 19 no
Jason (c) 10 no
Steve )
Imran )
Nick ) dnb
Richard )
Cuan (wkt) )
Graham )

Extras 18
Total 80-3 (35 overs)


MCCC Bowling

Richard 11-1-56-1
Imran 3-0-26-0
Steve 7-1-23-1
Pal 1-0-6-0
Jason 4-0-27-0
Graham 5-0-48-0
Mark 6-2-35-1

Teas – picnicy, not bad at all

MCCC MOM – Steve O’Neill

Wey Valley League knock out cup semi final versus Temple Bar CC

Played at Rayners Park
Temple bar- 166/7 from 40 overs
Morden- 167/6 from 33 overs
Morden Won by 4 wickets


The crew descended upon pitch one at our home ground (a first) to take up the biggest challenge of the season to date. The task was to defeat the unbeaten division one winners Temple bar in a game of cricket. The crew were all present except Hefner Hughes whose last known activity was reported to have been a game of street cricket using a stuffed toy frog and a to sale sign outside the new Wembley Station. The signs pointed to a good day as the last day of sunshine back in July had bought the boys a good win in the league decider. Could the story be repeated and the boys knock off the high flying division one opposition? The pitch was damp and rather green. Bowling would be a good idea. The skip then duly lost the toss but the oppo made the surprise decision to bat. The boys got a “we will fight them on the beaches” speech from the skip and this injected some determination into the crew. Tush began the day in good form by pushing AJS finger directly onto a rocket fired from Roy during the warm up resulting in AJ losing feeling in his middle finger of his bowling hand. Lucky that AJ can’t bowl straight anyway so this would not affect the outcome.
Andy Allan was fired up and roared in to commence the proceedings. The oppo surviving with a couple on the score sheet. AJ then ambled up to take on the challenge from the other end. AJ getting launched just over mid on’s fingers for 4 followed by a customary wide. AJ then managed to locate the pitch. Angry roared in again and had a few fly over gullies head. This was to be a sign of the whole innings, with many balls finding the edge and flying just over the heads or outstretched hands of the fielders. AJ then resumed his ambling from the other end and snared the opener with a short delivery. The opener trying to pull the ball with the end of his bat handle. Craig took the catch and the boy’s tails were up. Aj followed this up by introducing the number threes ribs to the new ball. This resulted in some great Michael Jackson dance moves from the number three who looked like he had been well drilled on the front foot and drilled by the short ball in his career. Angry and Aj then applied a 10 over spell of restrictive bowling with the only runs coming from edges. AJ began to wonder if the batsmen thought they were at a fishing contest with the number of played and misses. The skip turned to the banana meister Craig to continue the onslaught from Anger’s end. Craig who has been superb produced his customary in then away swing causing the batsmen even more trouble. The pressure was mounting with the oppo creeping along at around 2-3 an over. AJ who was obviously close to the brink of ending his playing career by dieing from the lack of oxygen was mercifully replaced by the Mumbai express Tush. Tush had noticed from AJ that the two batsmen did not like the short ball decided to bowl short and for good measure he added a short and wide on in once in a while. Craig and Tush continued the pressure until Tush got the break through with a fantastic ball, bowling the oppo number 3 with a pearler. Craig followed this up by having the opener extremely well caught by Ryan “I fear the match report if I drop this” Lang on the deep mid wicket boundary. Good reward for the Tush and Ryan who bowled fantastically well. The two new batsmen looked full of shots but this was not to last. A glance down leg saw the ball roll to Roy at a shallow fine leg. Now the oppo had obviously read a previous report and noticed that Roy usually lets the ball roll past when fielding in this position “reference Woking and Mayberry”, however they failed to read the whole report to see the comment about Roy launching the recovered ball at mach 3 towards the bowler. The batsmen decided to run and this resulted in the oppos skipper watching the stumps been removed from a by a rocket throw from Roy at fine leg. Fantastic fielding. Oppo were now 90 odd for 4 from 24 over’s. This brought to the crease a rather large Sri Lankan named Alex. Now Alex decided to pull out all the tricks as the days play would reveal. Apparently he had an average of 300 in the league and was out only once. He opened up and when he connected the ball stayed connected all the way through the concrete retaining wall on the boundary. The skip brought on Roy “band aid” Cumings. Roy’s shorter deliveries were greeted by the full face of the bat followed by the ball being introduced to a concrete wall by the bat. Roy continued to plug away with Craig continuing his great speel from the other end. Something had to crack as the oppo were now 112-4 from 28 odd. The boys decided to half Alex’s average by getting him out. Steve taking a fantastic catch in the covers off of Roys bowling. Failure to do so would have resulted in circumcision, castration and possibly spleen removal from the ball. Alex trudged off but we were to hear much more from him later. The next batsmen in arrived with shades and no gloves. The skip brought on Ryan from Craig’s end and Ryan proceeded to bowl well and was very unlucky not to have a plumb lbw given (and notice the lack of decisions given to us). Gerry then brought himself on in the 33rd over with the oppo 123-5. His first delivery spun 6 feet and bowled the bemused batsman who told all and sunder that the ball did not turn. Gerry followed this up with a great ball to have the no gloves but I look cool in shaded batsman stumped by Brian. It was at this point that the boys became sloppy with cheap singles and byes allowed. The oppo finishing on 166/7. Gerry gathered the boys again and gave strict instructions to take it easy and take the singles. Kaleem and Brian strode out to face Alex and co. Alex began with a wide and was treated to the site of a one bounce four from kaleem who flicked him off his legs. The first wicket went down when Brian was caught behind off of the other opener. Jason “Class master” h strode out. He played some lovely shots but soon strode back after trying to play the same opener across the line and was caught. Steve “The beater” Cumings strode out to do battle with kaleem. Kaleem was looking good and was playing his shots. Unfortunately he was caught out when he smashed a ball straight to deep mid off who then took aim and hit the stumps with a good throw. Roy strode out with the boys in trouble at 20-3 from 8. Steve and Roy battened down the hatches and began to grind out a tally, taking the team to 60 from 20. At this point they began to free the arms and accelerated the run rate up to around 4 an over with some great shots and good running. Roy was out in a confusing manner. A full toss resulting in an appeal for a caught behind. Roy was genuinely convinced that it was a bump ball and admitted to hitting it but thought he had hit it into the ground as the ball looped up to the keeper. Kaleem gave Roy out. However the oppo calling Roy a cheat was not on at all. Our umpire had given Roy out and Roy walked off after a second or two. The low blows had begun. Gerry strode out with the boys on 110 odd for 4 in the 26th over. Gerry hitting a few big shots before being given out lbw when a ball kept low. Gerry strode off and Craig strolled on. The boys now 130 from 30. Craig then proceeded to smash some big big shots. What followed next was a disgrace. The oppo sensing they were losing brought on Alex to try get some quick wickets. Alex had two over’s left so Steve decided to take the responsibility of seeing him off. Steve played the first over from Alex immaculately leaving and blocking. The last over from Alex producing the fireworks. Alex produced a great slower ball which jagged back in. Steve managed to get far forward and just outside the line of off stump. The author “who has a reputation for a machine gun finger” was umpiring. The author clearly saw the ball hit Steve outside the line and gave the not out decision. Alex then began to get mouthy to AJ. Aj informed him that he was the umpire and to go and bowl rather than talk as he was full of sherbet. Steve took a single from the second ball. The low point then followed with Alex deciding to pull the lowest blow in cricket which is of course the “kapil dev” (who famously pulled this trick on Peter Kirsten in a test match) and pretend to bowl but then taking the bails off the non strikers end in an attempt to run out Steve who was backing up. A heated debate followed, AJ requested whether Alex aka “Kapil” had warned the batsmen. Steve was enraged and began to give his opinion. AJ “who was unaware of the rule changes last year which nullifies this action” stated quite clearly to Alex that if he had warned the batsman earlier and wished to play cricket in this manner, then he would have no option but to give Steve out. It was at this point that the majority of the members of Temple bar who had a good sporting spirit stated that it was not out. Steve was still full of anger and said some words to Alex who offered them back to Steve. A pushing match ensued with AJ restraining two people at once with his slick kung fu manoeuvres learnt from Craig. Tush was seen charging onto the field from a distance although no on I sure why. Things settled with Alex obviously firing in the next ball. Alex was seen off with Steve and Craig unleashing powerful shots. Steve almost killing Aj at square leg with an immensely powerful pull shot. Craig was out next to Alex’s replacement. In a bizarre incident the bowler bowled, the ball hitting Craig dead in from on the crease. No one appealed and AJ began to feel relieved as he would have to give Craig out. The bowler however had seen the ball hit and politely asked the question. AJ gunned Craig down quicker than superman responding to a crisis. This left the boys needing 15 odd form 8 over’s. Ryan came in and hit some big shots. Alex still staring at Steve and attempting to mimic a throw at Steve when ever the ball came to him. The boys finished the job and jubilation reigned. The boys ran onto the field to thank temple bar for the great game and appreciated the oppos best wishes for the final, however Alex marched off without shaking hands which is all that needs to be said.

The boys celebrated by drinking form the Cumings brothers home made funnel which tasted like pvc and chemicals. Ryan was first up and managed to drink most of his before brining the rest up, Tush managed to pull off the worst funnel ever seen. He put the tube on his lips for half a second before spitting it all on the grass. That would normally result in another funnel but we didn’t want to waste the beer again. Jason did the classy funnel of magners. The pros then stepped up with Steve, Craig, Roy and Gerry smashing the funnel back. Angry managed half a funnel and Aj showed the boys how to do it.

Great win boys lets get the cup next week.

Man of the Match- Steve for a great catch and 59 not out.
No Muppet moments as this was an important game so I wont mention Craigs dropped catch cause he was sleeping. He hurt his hand doing this but still managed to help the boys with the bat.

fantastic bowling batting and fielding by the boys
Wickets
AJ-1 Tush-1 Craig-1 Roy-1 Gerry-2
Runs Steve-59* Roy 37 Craig 20 odd, Gerry 15 odd Kaleem 15 odd.

MCCC vs Whalers CC Sunday 17th June 2007
Played at Raynes Park

[Opposition Match Report]

Weather: Warm but cloudy
Toss won by: MCCC won toss and bowled First
Pitch Condition: Damp but firm
Match Format: Overs Game (40 per side)
MCCC Total: 169

MCCC Batting Order:
1. Khalim - 24
2. Roy Cummins - 11
3. S.Vishy - 2
4. J.Khan - 26
5. R.Lang - 5
6. O'Neil - 20
7. T. Wadhwa - 30
8. I.Ahmed - 14
9.
10.
11.

Notable batting performances:
Khalim, Jadid, O'Neil, Tush and Imran.

Oppostion Total: 168

Notable Bowling performances:
who else? Andy took 4, while Khalim picked up 3

Match Result: MCCC WIN

Champagne moment:
Tush smacking a huge six over long-on. Andy licking his lips while relishing the opposition batsmen.'

MCCC Man of the Match: Andy Allen and Tush Wadhwa

Additional Comments about match:
Any muppet moments? Nah. I dont think so.

What was the tea like? Home Tea is always good.

League Knock out cup first Round versus Guildford City.
Morden 270-5
Oppo- 55 all out
Morden won by 220 odd.


The author and his accomplice Hefner Hughes arrived late at the ground due to the gps taking them to a deserted playing field somewhere in Guildford, The maps were consulted and we finally arrived at the ground. Whilst strolling past the clubhouse on the way to the second pitch the author noticed that there were two blokes in cricket gear who looked remarkably like two girls. After consulting an expert in the field, it was determined that the two blokes in cricket whites were in fact two ladies. Not perturbed we continued our wondering toward the second pitch where we were to play (pleas note that the pitch was basically on the side of a hill and small children were tobogganing down the slopes.) As we neared where the lads were sitting the author spotted trouble. Three baboons were spotted on the ground very close to where the lads were sitting. Now for those who are not from Africa, a few rules apply when it comes to baboons, especially large male baboons. The game ranger Gerry explained that you never look them in the eye or steal their food. Unfortunately the author made the mistake of glancing into the eye of the leader who was named Tent Peg. Immediately the chatter started and a barrage of abuse and chest beating emitted from the troupe who were seated next to the lads. We had not even got the deck chairs out before the abuse had started, the omens pointed to an extraordinary day. Anyway we seated ourselves and I told my wife not to feed the large mail known as “backstreet”. I have no idea what so ever whether we won or lost the toss. But we were batting. The oppo skippered by one of the afore mentioned ladies took to the field. Now the oppo chairman had been ringing our very own Jim Patel to state emphatically that the oppo would be laying a beating upon our motley crew. After all how could a division one side lose to a division 2 side?

The game began, and Kaleem and Brian faced the music as the oppo began with some tight bowling. The first incident of the day occurred when Kaleem emphatically stated to Brian that the bowler was only bowling away swing, which was remarkable as it appeared to all and sunder that the bowler was in fact bowling nothing but in swing. Anyway Brian was bowled playing for the away swing when in fact it swung in. This brought the Class master Jason H to the crease. The boys battled on and took the score to 40 odd before the fireworks began. The Lady skipper brought on her sister to bowl. We all watched in fascination as she ambled in to bowl. She bowled a very gentle medium but swung it like a banana. Kaleem was soon making his way back to the sideline after the lady took a fantastic caught and bowled. The statistician can confirm that Kaleem was in fact the first Morden Corinthians player to be out to a girl if you don’t count when Cuan brown got Jason Ware out in the interclub game. Anyway the boys were nervous. The lady was obviously a very good bowler but the boys were petrified of the consequences of being out to a lady. Nick “ Look at my big bat” Hughes arrived at the crease. The author was umpiring and was witness to many a ball from the lady bowler going past the Hef’s outside edge. Jason was next to go with the score on 80 odd. He had compiled a great 40 odd before being tied down by the lady bowler (insert comment here). He aimed a massive hooik and the ball struck him on the back leg in front of middle. The author shot him down before the howzat appeals were audible. This brought Steve “The beater” Cumings to the crease. Now we have sent off urine samples to be tested as Steve was extremely aggressive that day. No one is sure why but a few empty creates of Stella “The wife beater” Artois were found in his car. Nick and Steve started nervously but soon began to find their feet on the hard track. Now we all know of the folklore about Hefner Hughes. The boy has immense talent yet is renowned for arriving hung over playing some exquisite shots then getting out so he can have a fag on the sideline. Now this all seems to have changed about 3 weeks ago. Now I am no religious man but I believe that something has happened to the man. The rumours are split and either has it that Bob Marley appeared to him in a dream and told him to buy some new pads and go hither and conquer. The other Rumour is that he has discovered a rare ale brewed in the mountains of Tibet that impart vast amounts of alcohol into the system whilst simultaneously providing energy and leaving the drinker with no hang over the following day. In fact this ale is said to work better if you consume it in greater quantities. Now Nick “The ladies are my prey” Hefner is said to have been seen sipping from a flask before his last 4 innings. Whatever you choose to believe, the fact remains that the man has received some seriously good juju of late and is in unstoppable form. Nick started to annihilate the oppo bowling, with many glorious drives over cover and some big straight sixes. Steve who was pumped with testosterone began an onslaught as well. In fact in one over the two competed to see who could hit the biggest straight sixes. Steve winning with an enormous shot. The run rate rocketed and the boys went from 80-3 after 20 to 197 after 30. Nick passed his fifty as did Steve. Nick was severely hard on the lady skipper who came on to bowl (and yes that line says it all for Hef). The boys accelerated before Steve who was oozing anger smashed the lady skipper directly on the knee causing her to go off the field with a second kneecap emerging. Steve was fired up but after injuring a girl the adrenaline wore off and he retired hurt due to his knee. The brought his brother “Tent Peg” to the crease and he began to smack the ball around. Nick was accelerating all the time and was knackered as he had not had chance to balance the nicotine and oxygen levels. He got to his hundred and was too tired to raise his bat. Anyway we finished on 270 odd for 5. Great knocks from Nick and Steve. Craig was seen asking the oppo skipper if she needed him to rub her leg for her.

The boys tucked into tea and then went out to do battle. Apparently the oppos opener scored nothing but hundreds. Andy “ Kiwi Anger” Allan and Andrew “Shoelaces are forever” Jarrett opening. Andy A produced a fine first over and the oppo opener did look a good player. AJ followed suit running uphill then downhill then sideways before the approach to the crease. The oppo were 9 odd for none after the second. Angry then produced a pearler to remove the left hand opener followed up very next ball by another stick. Andy nearly getting a hat trick with a great ball. Oppo were 9-2 now. Andrew J tested the other opener with a short one and saw the ball leave the county. He followed this up with another short one and the ball left the ground once more. However the third short ball produced the wicket with Jason H taking a great catch at square leg to remove the danger man. Oppo were now 17-2. Andy A struck again next over getting the bat caught by the gazelle Douglas at gully. In fact If he had of not caught it then he would have been lacking some vital components of his face as the ball was caught inches in front of his face. AJ was getting so much abuse that even the lady umpire started laughing at him. He picked up the next 3 wickets including an lbw where he missed his run up jumped straight up in the air like a bad Michael Jackson dance move, landed behind the bowler and lobbed the ball from behind the umpire, the ball hitting the bat plum in front whilst traveling at about 1mile an hour. AJ then proceeded to go into cardiac arrest followed by the respiratory system shutting down.The oppo were now 19-7 Andy Allan took some fearsome tap from a youngster who came in at number 8. This included a shot through the covers where Hefner Hughes was patrolling. Hefner obviously so drained decided to just fall straight on his face as the ball rolled past. The youngster launching our fast bowler over cover repeatedly and scored 19 from one over. Nick Hughes was sent to field in the woods as the youngster was smashing the ball that far. AJ bowled himwith the first ball of the next over as the youngster tried to hoike him. This brought the lady bowler to the crease. AJ bowled a slower ball then a full pace delivery outside off. This show obviously invigorated Steve “ the beaters” Cumings anger. Aj finished with a 2 step delivery AJ pleaded with the skip to stop bowling him as he feared imminent lung expulsion. The skip relented and sent AJ to leg slip where he immediately squirrel dived and face planted trying to stop a leg glance from the lady off of Anger Allan. The ensuing chase resembled a benny hill sketch as AJ scampered after the ball only to watch it roll over the boundary. The skipper brought on Craig “ Pump it or dump it” Harper. Now we expected to see the lady swoon when she saw Backstreet in action especially when he produced his famous banana. In fact she carved him through the covers much to the joy of the boys. The abuse was now raging but the best was yet to come. The lady was facing Kaleem and she pushed the ball gently to mid on where Steve “You want some” comings was patrolling. The ball rolled to Steve and both batsman just sat back in their creases as no run was even remotely possible. What was to follow defies belief. Steve whipped up the ball and feigned an aggressive throw at the female batsman/woman????. The lady was shocked by this and we had to confusedly apologize for the scare that she had undergone.She mentioned something about a nasty man and we all agreed. Some one wondered across to Steve to apply a tranquilizer and to lead him from the field in case he relapsed. Anyway Kaleem wrapped up the win with the final stick. The oppo all out for 55. The boys had a beer after the game with Steve requesting some stella but we refused fearful for any actions he might take after the game.

Great Win Boys

MOM Nick “I had a vision “ Hughes

Thanks for coming award- Craig "Larry Flynt" Harper

Do you wnat the backhand award- Steve "You should see my forehand" Cumings

Best 80's dance move- AJ

Over cover award- joint between Nick"Hefner" Hughes and Andy "Anger" Allan

I got out to a girl awards- Jason H and Kaleem

MCCC vs. Epsom Methodists 4 Aug 2007
Won by 19 runs

[Match Photos] [Opposition Match report]

This match report is probably the worst one I've written this season because I forgot to take the scorebook at the end of the game! I'm now relying on my fading memory of events to share what was another epic game against our old friends Epsom Methodists.

Brian 'Lumboo' Clifford did well to win the toss on a scorcha of a day down at Dundonald Road. Our last game with Epsom Methodists went right down to the wire so we knew this was going to be a close game. With no Girish to shore up the batting we all knew we had to raise our game. Too often this season the middle order hasn't performed and low scores have been achieved which are impossible to defend.

It was also another occasion where we were down to ten men right at the start of the game when someone dropped out last minute. This is always very frustrating. An SOS went out to the league team for an extra player and that was answered in the form of Tush Wadhua arrived halfway through the game.

Amit and Paul opened the batting for MCCC. The pitch looked flat as a pancake and a par score on this would be around 220. The opening batters started in a very postive way before Amit holed out at mid off with the score at around 39-1. In at number 3 was Radha Alaghsarmy who hadn't played for a couple of seasons. It was nice to see him back. Radha plays in an orthadox way and being a left handed batter it made the opposition work a bit harder with a different bowling line and field position required. Paul had progressed rapidly stroking some nice drives through the offside before getting out to a quicker delivery which was straight.

It at number 4 ,which was quite a bit higher than he was used to this season, Imran Ahmad found himself out in the middle. The EM bowling was pretty tight not giving much away. A good partnership was slowly built by Imran and Radha playing in a conservative manner. Radha in particular played some lovely legside glances which raced away to boundary given a fast outfield. With a change of bowling both Imran and Radha started looking more comfortable but then Radha got a ball which took an inside edge onto his stumps and that was the end of a famous comeback. We hope to see you again soon Radha!

Tom Compton who for once didn't have a wedding or a social commitment on this saturday was next in. Tom looked very patient at the start of his innings not going for any risky shots whilst leaving the bulk of the scoring to Imran. Imran had progressed onto 35 when the heat made him succum to a moment of madness trying to hoof a bad bowler over mid off only to spoon it up straight in the air. Tom had looked more settled by this time but then he also hit the self destruct button playing across the line of ball which was straight. By this stage it looked like another MCCC colapse was going to happen until Brian Lumboo came in and played a captains innings. Brian had to take the strike and then lead the team to 166 all out in the last over of the game.

With a total of 166 we knew we were going to struggle. The pitch wasn't going to do anything for the bowlers. Anything short was going to be punished with catching chances to the slips appearing very limited. Brian set about organising the boys in a diligent manner given the low score we had to defend. Placing man fly slip-third man and then another man on fine leg cut out alot of unnecessary runs.

Brian opened up the bowling with Raj both of whom had an excellent opening spell. Only Brian was rewarded after bowling one of the openers. With a man down so soon we looked like we had a game on our hands. Tush came on as first change and bowled with good pace and line to keep run rate to a minimum. The match was getting quite tense and then we then had a moment of controversy when Tush appealed for an LBW which wasn't given. Rightly or wrongly the umpire gave his decision as he saw fit. Tush was unhappy about and said as much. In past games with Epsom Methodists all the games have been played in a very sporting fashion - well within the spirit of the game. Hopefully this moment will be forgotton.

EM's wickets were falling at regular intervals. The dangerman for EM was their Skipper who has in the past scored prolifically against us. He started off well but then tried to pull one down to the legside only for a sharp catch to go to Amit who was on the 45 degree point between fine leg and square leg (what is this position called?). Some tidy bowling changes orchestrated by Brian who introduced Amit and Vikram into the attack really locked things down and Epsom finished some 19 runs short. This was a great victory for the boys who fought hard through out. We want to see more of this kind of competitive team spirit as we know this season has been a poor one. Let's keep the winning habbit going.

MCCC Sat 1st XI v Trinity - Away 4th Aug
Match drawn (time game)

[Match Photos]

On the hottest day since May (or was that May 1899 and the great heat wave of blightey
), actually as hot as a chippie in the middle of summer giving away free chilli kebabs in east London. I diverge, bam bam Malik took up the reigns for the first time this season hoping to succeed where so many other captains this year had failed. ie actually win the toss and score more than 70 runs! The team was missing a few familiar faces including Cuan “dont i look sexy in this wetsuit” brown whom was having a jolly in the Thames and doing everything he could not to be harpooned.

The opposition captain did not know that he was up against a world famous tosser in the form of Azam “I buy my cars to suit my sunglasses” Malik when they went out to the middle to flip the coin. Az manages to steamroll the victory, unlike the pitch that has not seen a roller this side of the 21st century. In fact it looked like the pitch and outfield had been mowed to the same length, and it was the stumps and crease lines that indicated its position on the field.

Vivek (appearing for the first time in Sat 1st XI colours) from what we hear had a sleepless night and was clearly under pressure to perform as himself and Campbell “Where is my wallet” Gower strode to the middle. Needless to say under some severe bowling pressure by the opposition (short, wide, slow and outside the off stump) we were 15 for 2. Pal “Where is the suncream” Chakravorty and Simon “One Drink” Watts fearing their captain would declare a jihad on them (based on the very quite conversations he had on his phone when the openers got out cheaply) steadied the boat. Both looked comfortable against the onslaught of bowling mentioned previously and were looking good for their fifties before it all fell apart in the mid 30s. This brought the skipper to the crease and he looked angry! He was shortly joined by Andrew “I bat with a match stick and play across the line but I am a hero” Jarrett. Az kept the singles going while AJ tucked into the bowling getting at least 3 singles and hitting every other ball for 4 or 6. AJ got to his 50 in about 4 deliveries which is the longest time he has spent at the cease since 1993. Unfortunately both himself and Az succumbed to the dodgy wicket and that brought in Ryan “I can bat better than AJ” Lang and Greg “Which way do I hold the bat” Robberts. Ryan hit some hefty blows to take the score over 200. Greg broke his familiar duck run with an interesting spoon like shot into the covers. We searched through the cricket manuals including the the Kevin Pieterson un-orthodox shots books, but could not quite find the shot that Greg had managed to pull off. However this batting prowess was swiftly ended and Ryan finished well with Jim “Too kool for skool” Paine. Jim until about 5 minute earlier had been doing his Laurence of Arabia impressuion, rolling his trousers up to his knees and attaching a teas cosy to his head. This left the opposition chasing 210 odd. At about this time Cuan “I can swim, cycle, run and still play cricket” Brown arrived looking and smelling like he had just done the London triathlon.

After a great tea by the oppo, Azam “Lets get aggressive or go home” Malik threw Ryan the ball to start the attack on a rather green and inconsistent (as Clintons story about that Lewinsky broad) bouncing wicket. Ryan produced a great first over and immediately put the oppo under pressure. AJ was next up and his fist delivery found him burrowing his head 3 feet down just outside the popping crease using nothing but his teeth. It was only quick thinking Steve O that managed to grab AJ’s legs before he disappeared down a deep hole. After a few wides and no balls he managed to take the middle stump right out the ground of the opener. We were off to a fantastic start. Thus continued some aggressive and quality bowling from both ends. Soon Ryan ”I cant buy a wicket let alone a hat” managed to get a stick. His jubilation was evident as he ran off the field trying to high five the council kids on the boundaries. This was followed up by some rather interesting deliveries one which so high that it nearly took out the left engine of flight BA232 on its flight path into Heathrow. Evasive action by Vivek and the pilot meant it sailed gracefully over the boundary for 4. Ryan retaliated by attempting to remove the head of the 14 year old batsmen with a full toss that crunched into his shoulder, travelled through his body and removed his spine. This resulted in the batsmen having to retire hurt as he had nothing to keep his body up straight. It was at this point in time that the oppo skipper ambled onto the field and asked Az to calm it down as they were not a strong side. Effectively scuppering the competitive edge of the game.

Az relented and pulled on new signing Greg “I haven’t bowled in 14 years “ Robberts. To be fair every man and his dog made that assesment by the end of the first over. Even the council kids called for him to be smashed to the boundary. Greg persisted and managed to get some turn that was flummoxing the one trick grey haired pony that would have been devastating if he was 30 years younger. It also flummoxed newly promoted Vivek whom looked like he was purposefully jumping out of the way of every delivery. However greg, in frustration, managed to get one to bounce and turn so aggressively that even nimble Vivek could not get out of the way of as it pipped him on the head. The first one Vivek had managed to stop! It turned out that all fielders behind the stumps were having difficulty as half a dozen catches went down. One can only conclude that the haze caused by the evaporation off the red humiliated faces prevented them from seeing the balls as the looped off the bat and travelled slower than a slug on performance enhancing drugs hit these individuals in question around the belly area before falling to the ground. This was followed up by some equally special fielding in front of the stumps Ryan tripped over his feet before dropping the batsmen but claimed it was the sun in his eyes. AJ tried to eat the turf before spilling his catch and using his face to prevent it from rolling over the boundary. Az “I should be modelling these sunnies as I am a sex god” Malik seemed to have picked up a disease afflicting other captains, known as the Wares disease as the ball dropped at his feet. This disease entails the individual needing 45 mins to get moving in one direction accompanied by a persistant beeping noise. In the meantime Cuan “I aint Paula Radcliffe” Brown was seen jogging fine leg to fine leg, but not actually contributing to the game in any shapre or form. He was apparently heard sledging but no-one could make out what he was saying due to his puffing.

A solid defense by the middle order meant they put the game out of reach of any result. Besides one individual that was dropped around 6x the total was not under threat in any shape or form. Simon ”I can outthink any batsmen” Watts first ball was so wide that it went to square leg. He followed this up with a jaffer that bounced swung and hit the top of off stump. Jim “Show me the” Paine came to the party and managed to get a leg before as Az “Im a thinking Captain” Malik rang the changes. Greg “My arm hurts worse than that thing I caught in Amsterdam” Robberts persisted his attack and found a solid line that beat the outside edge as well as found it on a few occasions. Vivek performed well bewhind the stumps and showed the rest of the team how poor the performance has been of their previous keeper. There was mention of dropping this individual to keep Vivek instead, unfortuantely this individual is the vice captain, so he vetoed the idea right then and there. Unfortunately the batsmen were resilient in their defense proving the age old quote that Craig “The pump rating” Harper uses – “Persistance beats Resistance”. And so ended a sunny day and pleasant day of cricket in a draw.

Man of the Match:
AJ

Bowling Figures:
To be updated

Batting Figures (roughly)
Viv a few
AG a few
Steve O a few
Pal 35 odd
Si 35 odd
Az 10 odd
AJ 55
Ryan 20 odd
Greg R 2
Jim P 2 odd
Q - DNB