League versus Woking and Horshell
Played away
Weather- cloudy and clearing
Pitch- soft
Lost toss and batted first
Result- Morden won by 275 runs

The League crew descended upon the farm lanes and fields of Woking on Sat to take on the team which were lying in second place in the standings. All the boys and Craig were accounted for and ready for action of the cricketing sort. In fine tradition the skip presented Craig with the latest edition of teen princess before striding out to the centre and promptly losing the toss. Morden were to bat for the third week straight.

Kaleem and Brian kitted up and strode in with purpose. Woking opened with a decent young pace bowler who was despatched by Kaleem whilst trying to get his line right. The youngster responded with a cracking delivery to remove Kaleem, That was that and we were 4 for 1 after the 4th ball. Steve Cummings made his way to the pitch and took guard. Steve looked like he was in the mood to bat and he was soon joined by Jason H at the crease after Brian tried to welly a bouncer that bounced three times before hitting his stumps. So it was clear, we had an unpredictable pitch which had no bounce what so ever unless you hit a tiny spot bowling from one end. Jason and Steve both put the heads down and started to build the partnership. The boys took the team along at around 5 an over until Steve decided to knock out Jason by smashing him in the face with the ball whilst Jason was backing up. Steve came down the pitch to the bowler and connected what can only be described as a bunker busting bomb. The ball disappeared straight towards the non stikers end. Jason did his best Tele Tubbie dance in attempting to get out of the way of the ball and in true SAFFIE style somehow avoided the exocet as it sped past. Unfortunately Jason’s bat was not in the same survival mode and was hanging behind Jason. The ball ricoched and came back at Jason hitting him in the mouth. Well blood was everywhere; the keystone cops were trying to administer first aid with toilet paper and magic tape in an attempt to stem the bleeding. In true hard man fashion, Jason stitched his mouth back together with some grass, tissue paper and a thorn before striding back out for battle still gushing blood. The run rate suddenly sky rocketed as Jason started to unleash the anger and was obviously too weak from the loss of blood to run. Jason as out in the 40’s trying to smash the bowler back to London. He walked of and away to hospital for major face repair surgery. Roy danced to the middle singing camp fire burning and joined his brother for some fireworks. Steve reached his fifty and then Roy decided to swing the willow, getting out on 49. This brought the skip to the crease and again the ball started flying before Gerry was adjudged lbw. Craig arrives, smashed a few then left. Ryan was next in and watched as Steve reached his century. Steven was so tired at this point that he adopted the in the arc out the park mentality and was eventuality out for a fantastic 131. A fantastic knock with no chances offered. Great stuff Steve. AJ was in next with instructions to charge which he did only to smash the ball straight into his own ankle. Ryan then decided to open the shoulders and brought up the Morden 300 with some big shots. That was that 302-7 one KIA and one WIA.

After Tea the oppo strolled in at 5 and were immediately set upon by Andy “I love wickets” Allan and Andrew “WWF or wide wide full toss” Jarrett. Andy J struck first getting the opener caught down the leg side by Steve Vickery. Andy J then struck again clean bowling the other opener. The oppo were now 6-2. Now we all know what’s was coming next. Andy A being 2-0 down in the stick race came charging in and promptly dismissed the next 2 batsmen to even the stick race at 2-2. Oppo were now 7-4. The next over saw a world record Yorker attempts from AJ who was frustrated by the oppo somehow digging them out. Off the last ball of the over a golden opportunity to move 3-2 ahead was missed when Kaleem was unable to hold on to a catch. Andy J has been bowling with Andy A for long enough to realise what was going to happen next. In fact Andy J ran over to the scorer to inform him that Andy A was about to take the batsman’ s wicket who had just been dropped off of Andy j’s bowling. Needless to say Andy A did not disappoint, distributing the batsman’s sticks to the four corners of the compass. Following ball, different batsman, same result. The boys moved in close for the hatrick ball, but Andy A decided to not rely on us and clean bowled the next bat. Great bowling Andy. So that was that and the skip removed Andy A who had just definitively proved to AJ that the stick race was over and thanks for coming but no cigar. Craig was introduced and picked up a wicket without any major drama or oscar winning portrayals. Oppo were now 26-8. AJ got his third before being kicked off by the skip. Kaleem came on and took the last wicket with his first ball. That was that then oppo all out for 29. In fact my wife recorded practically the entirety of the oppos innings which lasted about 25 minutes after forgetting to switch it off in the first minute.

Men of the Match

Andy A for his hatrick and Steve for his 131.
Hard Man award- Jason H


Good win boys.

PS keep an eye out for Craig on the cover of Teen princess magazine.

MCCC Sat 1st XI vs Crossbats (19/05/2007) Haydons Rec
Lost 9 wickets

On the most sports centric day of spring, we decided to play a spot of cricket, in doing so, we missed the FA Cup final and the Super 14 final. Both of which had controversial results, but no mater, we had some of our own controversy to contribute.

Crossbats arrived in a dour mood, fired up and hoping bring their best to the party after the previous months drubbing. Well, everyone except their skip that instead of getting energised with a sports drink was slowly sipping a warm Stella in the fine tradition of many past alcoholics. We could not decide if it was in preparation for the game or to help with hangover from the night before.

Needless to say MCCC, fresh from their latest victory and sporting a few less players due to the days other sporting events were a bit slim on bowling and batting. We ended up batting first, opening with Azza and the skip. We managed to get to 35 for no loss. It was at about this stage that the batting collapsed 41 for 3. This brought to the crease Tush and Simon. Tush played some good strokes for his 35 as well as a massive 6, but his innings faltered at about the stage he stood on his wickets and refused to walk. Tush and whomever was umpiring at that stage, I would like to draw your eyes to the following extract from the rules of cricket:

"LAW 35 HIT WICKET: Out hit wicket - The striker is out Hit Wicket if, while the ball is in play, his wicket is put down either by the strikers bat or person as described by LAW 28 a. (ii) & (iii)"

Understandably, the opposition was quite upset, and to be honest this is totally understandable, however, the language heard and actions viewed would have made the Australian rugby team blush. I would like to draw the Crossbat team members eyes to the following rules so they may also learn something from this event:

"LAW 42 FAIR & UNFAIR PLAY -18.) Players Conduct - If these is any breach of the Spirit of the game by a player failing to comply with the instructions of an umpire, or criticising his decisions by word or action, or showing dissent, or generally behaving in a manner which might bring the game into disrepute...."

Now that we have got that out the way, MCCC tumbled to a measly 109 all out with the middle and bottom order not contributing much more than 15 runs. A rather poor performance and the lowest score the team has had in 3 years.

Crossbats walked to the crease and the only decent batsmen we saw all day offered his wicket in the first over to Canada's 2nd greatest cricket player, whom promptly put it down as he was looking for mitt. The next delivery sailed over the boundary for 6 and he promptly went on to score 79 runs in a bruising manner to seal the victory without offering too many other chances.

A poor days cricket and some poor behaviour to boot, a thoroughly un-satisfying day. Unlike the last occasion, we offered to meet them at the bar... they turned us down. Oh well all is fair in love and war!!!

Man-of-Match: Oppo's keeper for being the best batsmen on the day and to teaching us some new phrases that we can try out next time we are at the pub and looking for a fracas

MCCC Sat 1st XI vs Kingston Methodists CC (12/05/2007)
Won - 1 run

Played at Dundonald Rec (home)
Conditions: Showers, gale force winds, clearing

Who would have thought an arctic May day could have produced the most exciting game of cricket Mr Ware’s team has seen all year? Having tossed successfully, our captain chose to bat, believing Kingston would be demoralised by the blizzard-like conditions early in the day.

Mark and Azam dutifully donned thermal underwear and struck out to the middle muttering something about maybe being some time. Kingston’s opening bowlers seemed to be relishing the conditions however and immediately put the screws on our normally flamboyant opening pair.

Mark was the first to crack having a slash outside off. It didn’t dribble down his leg as expected, but instead flew to second slip. Matt Oliver stepped over the puddle and together with Azam built the innings in a promising fashion.

The fun was brought to a close 68 runs later as Matt mistimed a ball that sat up with flashing lights and said “hit me” to a short mid on. Azam “the soothsayer” Malik followed a ball later after predicting his own demise ten seconds earlier. Imran strode to the crease, smashed a couple of lovely boundries and not wanting to show off too much got out immediately after.

That left Jason and Simon plugging away trying to build a platform to launch from. Unfortunately for them, Kingston put on their secret weapon, “father time”, a man of such prodigiously slow pace and guile he was all but unplayable. 88 runs later Simon was run out a post code short of his crease, and everyone was glad that they might get a bat after all.

A brief flurry of runs and wickets later and we finished on 181 for nine.

At the half way mark we knew 181 was going to be a difficult total to defend. It started looking a little too easy for Kingston as after seeing off our openers their opening pair began to accumulate runs.

Enter Jim Paine. The batsman seemed to have a momentary loss of focus, perhaps falling into a slight doze while waiting for Jim to finish his run up, he skied a ball that Mark sprinted underneath and caught in spectacular fashion. Had the rot set in?

Unfortunately not. The next bat seemed more belligerent and less respectful of Jim and Mark’s bowling prowess. Runs started flowing and despite lots of chat we knew we needed wickets if we were to win this game, and lots of them.

An inspired bowling change brought Imran and Graham Pinkney to the crease and a new phase of the game ensued. Graham’s bowling defied belief as he put down dot ball after dot ball. Even the mighty Cuan “there were no byes” Brown had difficulty keeping to Graham’s crafty bowling. The pressure began to mount.

While Graham held down his end, Imran bowled the spell of his life at the other. The first of his victims fell after Jason displayed incredible nimbleness to turn, run AND catch a ball all in the space of just a second or two. (Take note of this fine display of multi-tasking, Matt “I can’t run and catch a ball” Oliver). An over or so later Matt Potter our Aussie super sub made an even more spectacular catch at point turning and diving to his right. The catch of the game was to come next as Tom took one you wouldn’t see the better of at county level, diving forwards at a ball hit fast and low to snaffle it just millimetres off the deck. (Cue Canadian national anthem). Imran proceeded to take a further three wickets in his remaining overs to finish with six. As I said – the spell of his life. A man of the match performance later, the game was definitely on.

The last six overs were incredibly tight and the game swung in the balance from ball to ball. The fielding side were amped while Kingston were determined. It all came down to the final over with Kingston requiring three runs to win with just one wicket in hand. With Pinkney unavailable to bowl the last over, Matt Oliver stepped up to absorb the pressure. It didn’t look good as his first delivery was played into the off side and the batsmen set off for a run. The pressure of the situation must have been playing on the batsmen’s minds however as they attempted to turn an easy one into a suicidal two. Father time tossed his zimmer frame aside and ran to the danger end like a geriatric rocket. Imran to his credit fielded and threw sharply, and Matt was on the spot to gather the ball and throw down the stumps.

Morden won by one run.

Notable performances:

Imran 8 ovrs 1 mdn 6 for 26
Azam 7 ovrs 0 mdn 1 for 38
Simon 8 ovrs 1 mdn 0 for 31
Jim 5 ovrs 0 mdns 0 for 20
Mark 3 ovrs 0 mdns 0 for 26
Graham 8ovrs 1 mdn 1 for 37

Simon 52 runs
Azam 29 runs
Matt O 28 runs
Jason 25 runs

MCCC Saturday 2nd XI vs Woldingham Village CC
Lost by 115 runs

1. Opposition Name:
'Woldingham CC'
2. Match Played at:
'Dundonald Road Rec Ground'
3. Match Played home or away:
'Home'
4. Date of match:
'05/12/2007'
5. Weather:
'Cold and windy'
6. Toss won by:
'MCCC won toss and bowled First'
7. Pitch Condition:
'Wet and spongy'
8. Match Format:
'Overs Game (40 per side)'
9. MCCC Total:
'126/8'
10. MCCC Batting Order:
'1. Vivek (5)
2. Ewan (0)
3. Hemant (40 n.o.)
4. Vikram (0)
5. Barek (0)
6. Rob (2)
7. Theo (32)
8. David (8)
9. Geoff (15)
10. Brian (7)
11. Raj (d.n.b)'
11. Notable batting performances:
''
12. Oppostion Total:
'241'
13. Notable Bowling performances:
'Brian C 8,0,37,0
Geoff B 8,1,21,1
Theo M 1,0,14,0
Raj S 8,0,44,3
David C 5,0,35,0
Vikram S 6,0,43,4
Hemant P 4,0,28,0
14. Match Result:
'Lost by 115 runs'
15. Champagne moment:
'Theo's Cracking Innings/
Vikram's bowling four of the opposition out in his first overs for Morden.'
16. MCCC Man of the Match:
'Theo Moore/Hemant Patel'
17. Additional Comments about match:
'The team descended upon Dundonald Road Recreation Ground on a wet and windy Saturday afternoon, to attempt to pull off their first win of the season. Struggling to make the numbers, Brian's brother David (star performer from our previous game [taking 7 wickets, crikey!] joined the team again, and even invited a friend named Rob to make up the 11. As our players arrived it seemed one of them, Barek was so dapperly dressed that the team had to remind him that the only ball today, involved something called a cricket ball, and no dancing was involved with it. We also noticed that unlike last week, there wasn't another team trying to steal our opposition, not that there were many of them there at the time, in fact it seemed like an eternity before we could even find some umpires to start the game. Brian's incredible coin toss calling skills continued when he once again won the toss and elected to bowl in swing happy conditions. Morden opening with Brian & Geoff had the batsmen on their heels, and more often or not the openers were seen fishing for cod. The first wicket game in Geoff's fourth over, when he finally bowled one of the Woldingham's openers, a wicket that was very sweet after several overs of very near chances. Brian bowled well, but was unluckily denied wickets but with an economy rate of 4.6 while bowling 8 over straight, it was a valiant and marathon effort. Geoff finished his first 7 over at 1-16. After the long spells of the openers Theo Moore was given his first bowl of the season. Gleeful of his opportunity to impress, Theo went out and delivered some of his 'signature' spin, displayed in nets during the preseason. Unfortunately the batsmen were in an aggressive mood, and after some full tosses Theo was punished for 14 , which promptly saw him withdrawn from the bowling, for last week's hero David Clifford. On the other side of the pitch Raj begin his excellent bowling display. Raj was the fastest bowler of the day, and was very impressive. Bowling several spells, and finishing with 3-44 off 8 overs. Taking the wickets of the important 2, 3rd & 9th highest scoring batsmen, every wicket by Raj was caught behind by our ever consistent wicketkeeper Vivek, who to his credit only let by 1 bye the whole game (good stuff!). David on the other side was sadly unable to follow his last match heroics finishing without a wicket. Our 6th bowler of the day was Vikram, who was given the bowl for the first time ever at Morden. He rewarded the captain with some excellent bowling, and was our team's top wicket taker, all bowled out, the batsmen losing all knowledge of his balls. Perhaps this performance will see him bowling more often in the future. The last bowler was Hemant, who bowled well for his first few overs, but got tonked at the end. Leaving Morden with the near impossible task of chasing 242 runs to win. At tea I was rather hungry so I favorably positened myself next to the sandwich trays, and tucked in. We didn't actually have a table, so everything was eat in the most civilized manner, off the ground. Tea was was enjoyed by all, with Barek being very interested in the nachos we had.

After tea, Vivek and and Ewan padded up for our difficult run chase. Ewan our vice captain, unfortunately was out early of the mallard variety. After hitting a marvelous 4, our second opener was out, for 5. After a period of around 12 overs, Vivek was still the highest scorer and we had lost another 3 wickets, then one man by the name of Theo stepped in to face the music. Grabing his legendary 'Excalibur' bat from 'mr. not-out' Hemant and stepping up for the most incredible batting display of his cricket career. Theo was fire, scoring a massive 6 boundaries in an innings that even KP would have been proud of. Theo and Hemant managed to once again save our team from scoring a total under 100. A valiant Theo was finally dismissed for a historic 32. David C provided a nifty 8, and was followed by Geoff with a quick fire 15 off only a few overs. Brian also managed to score 7 off the last 3 balls, to achieve our teams top score of the season of 126.

There were many positives to take from our game, and even though we lost the game it was played in good spirit and there were several highlights, especially Theo's great innings, and the bowling efforts for Raj & Vikram.

League versus Valley End
Played at Haydons road
Weather- Wet and Windy
Pitch- Wet and spongy
Morden- 249-6 43 overs
Oppo- 54 all out

The League boys descended on he Haydons road rec during the traditional english spring hurricane to further the league cause. The boys were in an optimistic mood on 2 counts, confident from the victory the previous weeks victory and relieved that the Cummings brothers had been located safe and sound. An anonymous tip off had led the search party to Richmond Park where the brothers camp site had been located. On arrival at the site only empty tents and a small camp fire were to be seen. The services of an ex Zimbabwean Seleous scout were employed to help the lads track down the Cummings in the thick undergrowth. After a short search the brothers were spotted hiding in thick foliage with nothing but a pair of binoculars. On further questioning they murmured something about walking a dog or some dog related activity that the lads were unable to comprehend. Since no one could see any dogs around we decided to leave it at that and force the boys back to the league ground to play some cricket.

In fine tradition Gerry graciously allowed the oppo captain to win the toss and Morden were to bat. Tush arrived with the wickets and Kaleem and Brian strode out into the force 10 gale to face the music. Kaleem once again set up his business with some glorious stokes and was well supported by Brian. Kaleem fell for 43 to a fantastic delivery.This brought Steven "camp fire" Cummings to the crease. Brian and Steve began to build a partnership. The boys progressed nicely until a bizarre incident occurred. We all know that batsmen like to try and persuade the umpires during a lbw appeal by posing 3 ft away from where the ball stuck them. Brian, upon being struck on the pad decided that if he moved 3 foot forward and 2 feet outside of off stump then Gerry might be conned into giving a not out decision. Unfortunately for Brian a quick witted opposition player took a shy at the stumps whilst Brian was posing and flexing for Gerry and ran Brian out. Unlucky I say. This brought Jason " I don't pose for no one" Howarth to the crease. J and "camp fire" began a nice partnership which saw some big shots and classy defence. J surviving a few dropped catches to progress to his fifty. Steve was out next and trudged off to light a fire and sing kumbeja. In strode Roy "tent peg" Cummings to the fray. Roy began a bit nervously and thought he was chopping fire wood instead of batting. He pulled it together and began to hit the big shots we are accustomed to. J began to accelerate the innings by blasting a 14 year old colts best delivery into the next county. He pulled out some glorious shots and was soon receiving the applause for his century. A fantastic effort. J was out shortly after attempting to smash the bowler into oblivion. Gerry strode in only to see Roy stride out. Craig Harper strode in and the boys saw out the innings. Morden finishing on a healthy 149-6.

Tea was served and the boys entered the Field to do battle. The skip led out Andy A with a blindfold on. Walked him to his bowling mark put the ball in his hand and upon the umpire announcing play removed the blindfold. Andy immediately spotting that a batsman was having the audacity to stand in front of the sticks with a bat in his hand. A howl of anger went up and our fearsome fast bowler flew in to unleash a barrage of fast, wicked deliveries. The batsmen in his attempt to prevent the ball hitting him hit the ball back straight at andy who nonchalantly caught the ball at his ankles and that was that- 1 down. Ryan stormed in from the other end and had a few close calls. Morden were able to run out the next batsman with Craig Harper using a cunning ploy. A misfield on a overthrow tricked the batsman into a second run. Craig snapped up the ball and threw to Kaleem who ran out the batsman. Andy A's next over produced another wicket. Clean bowling the oppo and sending the bails to third man. Ryan picked up a wicket himself the next over and soon had a second. The oppo were reeling at 10-5. The skip told Andy A he had one over left and the fast bowler responded by forcing the edge. AJ at slip taking the catch with great relief for he was fearful of the stick he would take should he drop. Great bowling from Andy who picked up 3 sticks. Ryan responded and soon had his third, again caught by AJ in the slips. AJ came on to bowl spin and soon disappeared over the boundary. All bowlers were now bowling a mix of spin, medium pace and anything else as the oppo had complained about the situation. The oppo were 14-7 at this time. AJ picked up a stick but the true show was still to come. We all know that Craig has had a hard time recently. Everyone drops catches off of his bowling, especially "tent peg" Cummings. True to form Ryan spilled a catch off of his bowling. What to come defies belief though. On attempting to hit Craig over the covers, the batsman spooned the ball back to Craig. We all sat and watched, enthralled as to what would happen. As the ball spooned its way towards Craig, a young female voice was heard shouting "mine", confused as to where the source of this sound was coming from, the boys scanned the field to spot where the young 9 year girl was hiding, no one could locate her. The sound was heard again with the feint echo of "mine" ringing in our ears, the boys immedialtey scanned the field again as we were all concerned that a young girl may be injured. The boys attention was drawn towards the area where the umpire and nowler were as the feminine voice seemed to be originating from that area. What we witnessed next was a sight to tell the grand kids. For a third time the young feminine voice was heard to say "mine" except this time it seemed to be originating from the large Mr Harper. Was a ventriloquist on the field? Was Craig ill, had he swallowed a small female? There was not a chance that a 30 year old man could emit those feminine sounds. As the ball was coming down, The girl like shout was heard one last time followed what can only be described by this witness as a hop skip and a jump. All i can say is that i have seen a lot of things and i can now add what a skipping,excited, shrieking 9 year old girl looks like taking a catch in a 30 year old mans body. Craig pouched the catch and was immediately ridiculed beyond belief. He switched to a low husky voice to try and cover up for his feminine lapse but the damage was done. After the laughter and ridicule subsided Craig "Does this Tiara look good on me" Harper took a second wicket, this time preferring to keep quiet whilst bagging the catch. Well bowled Barbie.

After Craig "I love the backstreet Boys" Harper was done, the game was over and the boys headed for the bar, another good win under the belt. Winning margin was 190 odd again, well done boys.

Man of the match- Jason for his blinding century
Bowler of the match- Andy A and Ryan
Academy award for the best 9 year old girl portrayal- Craig
Poser of the year award- Brian
Fastest camp fire builidng time award- Roy C
Fastest tent assembly time award- Steve C

MCCC League XI vs Englefield Green

Played at- Englefield Green
Weather- Cold, overcast but clearing later
Toss- Lost and Batted first
Total- 274/9 39 over’s
Result- Won by loads


1.Kaleem- 8
2.Brian D-17
3.Jason H-21
4.Majid-100 not out
5.Gerry-28
6.Ryan-7
7.Pal-0
8.Craig-60
9.Andrew J-9
10.Andy A-2
11.Steve V- 1 not out


On a cold and overcast Sat- the league boys descended upon the place where the magna Carte was signed to get the clubs league campaign underway. On arrival the pitch was well rolled and flat, but the outfield looked like some of the grass plains of the Kruger national park instantly bringing a homesick tear to the eyes of the saffie boys who gathered together and sang Nkosi Sikelela. Distraught after hearing that the Cummings boys went camping rather than play the league game, the boys decided to conduct a search operation of the nearby woods to see if they could be located. Unfortunately not and after been told off by the police for looking suspicious in a well known doggers area, the lads decided to play some cricket instead. Gerry Lost the toss so yes the useless tosser jokes may begin. Morden were sent in to bat.

Kalleem and Brian D strode to the crease to get the new episode in the clubs history underway. Kallem started in the most majestic rate by stroking the first and second balls of the match for 4 in glorious style through he covers. Things looked good. Unfortunately the third ball was to be his last. Caught trying to pull a ball three feet outside of off stump. In came Jason H and he and Brian proceeded to solidify the situation against some tight swing bowling. Jason playing some glorious strokes before being caught by a fielder who had the choice of using his hands or his mouth to catch the tracer bullet. Fortunately he had forgotten his superman cape at home and choose to use his hands and took a great catch. Unlucky J. That brought Majid aka “The Magician” to the crease. The boys began to build a nice partnership with both playing some cracking shots. Brian was next to fall after being well caught. Gerry strode in and thumped some glorious shots before being caught on the boundary. Next into the breach was Ryan who played some solid defence before getting out. Pal was unlucky judged LBW off the 2nd ball he received. Kaleem adjudging that if the ball hit pal halfway down the pitch then the laws of probability may mean that the ball could hit the wicket at some point in the next 3 over’s so he might as well give Pal out now. This brought Craig” I prefer cricket to camping” Harper to the crease and all mayhem was unleashed. The new bowler discovering that the pitch will not take turn of he lands it on the centre of Craig’s bat. Craig seemed determined to smash every bowler and indeed did. His whirlwind 60 deflating the oppo. Craig was out trying to hoike the opener bowler. In strode Andrew J with his mightily damaged V900 which appeared to be held together with tape. With instructions to charge Andrew did so and double stepped both openers before watching half his bat fall off after carting the opener for 4. After changing bats AJ was out next ball charging again, this time caught on the very edge of the boundary. Aj retrieved the missing half of his bat and stode off dejectedly. Andy A was in next and played some big shots before getting out attempting to give the strike to the superb Majid who was in sight of his century. Steve V came in and managed a quick single to allow Maj the chance to get his ton off of the last ball. Maj smashed the ball away to finish 100 not out. A truly classy innings full of wondr full shots on both sides of the wicket and some solid defence. Well done. With that the innings was over with a healthy 274 posted off of 39 over’s.

After Tea the oppo wondered in to bat at around 5pm. Andy A started with real venom and caused the batsmen some big problems. His opening partner decided to adopt the opposite tactic and bowled 7 wides in an attempt to confuse the batsman. The ploy worked as the one ball that did land on the pitch took the wicket of the opener who spooned to Majid at midd off. Andy J needed CPR and oxygen on the boundary after his 12 ball over. Andy A again produced a blinder of an over causing the oppo to wonder whether knitting might be the safer option, unfortunately no wicket in his second over. Andy J was graciously allowed to continue by the skipper and produced the same ploy. This time 3 wides and again taking the wicket of the other opener who spooned to Majid at mid off again. Andy J firmly believing in the old adage that sh£$t takes wickets. This incensed Andy A who was behind in the wicket race and who duly stormed in like a man who was mentally scarred by a batsman at a young age and who was determined to extract revenge. This fearsome site causing the oppo to drop their bats and pretend they were umpiring so as not to displease the fast bowler. This did not work and Andy picked up 2 sticks. The oppo were in all sorts of bother at around 20 for 4. AJ finally managed to get the ball online and was denied an lbw decision by the umpire, the lbw being plumber than a plumb in a Christmas plumb pudding. Dread was in his mind as in all previous games AJ had had plumb LBW decisions turned down only for the fearsome Andy A to claim the victim in his next over. True to form Andy pinned the batsman the next over leaving AJ suicidal on the boundary. Andy was in unplayable form and soon had his 4th. The skip decided to remove the opening bowlers as the oppo were now 30-6. AJ was quite thankful for this after bowling 35 over’s in 4 over’s and Andy A was upset as he smelt blood. Change of bowling saw Pal and Ryan come on. Both bowled well with Pal bagging a couple of wickets and Ryan joining in with a great delivery. Kalleem was drafted in to produce his big leg breaks and he dually obliged with taking a wicket and wrapping up the Morden win by 6pm in the 19th over. The oppo managing 78 with 25 of those being extras courtesy of Mr Jarrett’s shotgun approach and some less than forgiving umpiring.

So In all a success- Morden played well and thoroughly dominated the game.

Man of the Match - Majid for his ton and 2 catches
Bowler of the game - Andy A for his 4 sticks and fearsome bowling
Muppet moment of the match - Andrew J for nearly been knocked out cold by a ball jumping off the outfield
Tea was decent.

MCCC Sat 1s XI v Albamorphics (Cheam Rec, 5/5/2007)
Lost by 5 wickets

Weather: Overcast to start clearing later
Toss won by: Albamorphics
Pitch Condition: Uneven
MCCC Total: 186/6

With the toss going 3 from 3 in his favour for Jason ‘Skip’ Ware, it was only a matter of time before the cricketing gods turned against him. MCCC were put into bat in overcast conditions on a surface so green, it was only differentiated by the rest of the square by bits of timber and a scratching of white lines at either end.

Mark ‘What does a front foot shot look like?’ Bartram and Azam ‘I’ve been in the runs all week’ Malik strode out to the middle, although both were quite out of breadth having to traverse up the slope to get to the wicket. The MCCC were quite fortunate in that the opposition were missing two players, one being their Sylvester Clarke look-alike opening bowler and big hitting batsman. Mark and Az were plagued with nagging line and length accuracy from the Albamorphics ageless openers, the slope of the wicket and the uneven bounce of the wicket.

First to go was Azam ‘Where has my average gone?’ Malik after succumbing to a ball which misbehaved on the downward slope. In strode that dashing of all batsman, the indomitable Steve ‘Salsa shuffle’ O’Neil at number 3. This time Salsa decided to play himself in, showing the Alba bowlers the respect that one does to one’s elders. Respect turned to disdain as Salsa was bamboozled by another misbehaving delivery, which saw him trudging back to the boundary, leaving him to contemplate the joys of English pitches in Spring.

In strode the skipper, a little earlier than he had hoped and looking to settle the nerves of the dressing room by stabilising the batting and seeing off the opening pair. Under strict instruction from Cuan ‘VC’ Brown to keep the BOOMing drive in the locker, the skipper soon found out what all the fuss was about, as about 12 balls went sailing past the outside edge of his mighty V900 and he was left to contemplate his ill fated choice of selecting ‘heads’ for the fourth time in a row.

Mark ‘play my shots’ Bartram fell to a delivery that rose from a good length, which he tickled into the keeper’s mits. In strode Fergal ‘Cross bat’ Driver to the crease, brimming full of confidence from his previous debut innings of a golden duck. Under strict instructions to come forward, Fergal decided to back his eye and edge some streaking shots through the slips off the back foot. His technique was no match for the accurate Alba opening bowlers, and soon fell victim to a delivery, full and on off stump, by trying to pull it to the on side, off the back foot.

Enter to the arena, Cuan ‘Up the order from no.11’ Brown. Calm heads now needed as MCCC were tottering at 32/4 and the skip and vice skip sought to see off some maiden overs to negate the dressing room jitters.

It was about at this stage that Sylvester Clarke and his companion, a dead ringer for Vasbert Drakes decided to arrive and the sun decided to burn off the cloud cover, producing excellent batting conditions for the second half of the game. All of a sudden the big gaps that appeared in the field were no longer there and in the face of nagging bowling, it was all out defence. Time for a change of bowling and on came the Pinkney of side, wicket to wicket and well flighted.

Having learnt from the late, great Bob Woolmer, to sweep the slow bowlers, the skip swept one to Vasbert Drakes, yet again picking out the oppo’s most athletic fielder who took a good catch.

In stride Matt ‘Could my team mates please keep quite, while I bat’ Oliver to the crease. Matt looked the most comfortable of the MCCC batsmen on the green top and soon started to play some glorious strokes.

Cuan ‘Hold up an end’ Brown started to come into his own, rotating the strike and playing one or two good shots himself. After notching his highest total of the season, Cuan ‘I want to practice using the scorebook’ Brown, decided to give the oppo another sniff by using some fancy footwork at the crease that would have made Cristiano Ronaldo proud, by back heeling the ball onto his legstump.

In walk Jim ‘Still hungover’ Paine to the crease and it was case of cometh the hour cometh the man. A couple of quick 3s from Matt, saw Jim having to take a ’breather’ with hands on knees at the non striker’s end struggling to hold down the chicken korma from the previous night. But he soon knuckled down and showed his worth with some cracking shots, including an excellent six. Matt ‘Hold an innings together’ Oliver was constructing a knock par excellence and soon reached his 50. Along with Jim ‘Cricket boxes are for wimps’ Paine, they pushed MCCC up to a respectable total of 186.

After a quick break for tea, the MCCC took to the field brimming with confidence. With Azam ‘Opens the batting, opens the bowling’ Malik taking a wicket in his first over and Jim ‘No pain, no gain’ Paine a wicket with his first ball, Alba were reeling at 0/2.

Unfortunately we were then plagued with the classic left hander / right hander combination which has managed to nullify our attack and fielding over the past few weeks. Said combination amassed over 100 runs before Cuan ‘Handy with the gloves’ Brown picked up a well deserved stumping off Mr Pinkneys bowling.

Azza followed suite with his own wicket but this only brought the BIG hitting Sylvester Clarke to the wicket. Sylvester seemed to have only one shot in his arsenal – the ‘long off smash’. Some of the biggest sixes this reporter has ever witnessed went sailing over the long off boundary. In the end Alba got up to the target with 5 wickets to spare.

To be fair we had our chances, letting 5 catches go down. The old adage of ‘dropped catches lose catches’ could never be more true. A special mention to Matt ‘I want my fielders standing on the right blade of grass’ Oliver and Jim ‘Pete Doherty’ Paine for their batting heroics; Azam ‘threefa’ Malak for his performance with the ball and Cuan ‘I haven’t kept wicket since school’ Brown’ for boring fine leg/3rd man to death by keeping Mr Extras down to around 15 odd, which is a nice change from our mandatory 50.


MCCC Batting
Mark Bartram 7
Azam Malik 8
Steve O’Neil 2
Jason Ware 12
Fergal Driver 10
Cuan Brown 17
Matt Oliver 59
Jim Paine 27
Ed DNB
Tom Rabane DNB
G Pinkney DNB
Total 185